Whenever I’m coaching a guy or giving him help in the chat group, one of the biggest issues that I hear from them is that they can’t approach girls in public. They want to, but they just… can’t.
I get it completely, approach anxiety is a real issue that I’ve addressed in many of my videos so far.
However, for a lot of guys, they have a tough time with this for more reasons than just basic anxiety.
For a good number of our community, they are just too naturally introverted to go up to a girl and start up a conversation, even if they want to.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’m not an introvert myself. In fact, I’m probably the farthest thing from it. This makes it a bit difficult for me to understand where these guys are coming from and what their issues are. After all, as cool-dude gangster rapper Coolio taught us, “If they can’t understand me, how can they reach me?”
However, after thinking on this issue for a while and having some in-depth conversations with the guys who struggle with this, I’ve come up with a simple 3-step process to help anyone approach women, no matter how introverted you think you are.
Step 1: Start waving at people you see whenever you’re out in public. Nothing over the top, just a simple hand wave, maybe even a hi. It also doesn’t matter who it is, not just attractive women. The old lady walking her dog? Wave and hi. Old dude drinking out of a paper bag? Sure, give a wave. That’s all.
Step 2: Once you’ve done Step 1 for a while, you’ll realize that people aren’t all that scared or creeped out by you. Now turn it into a game. I call it Sweet or Sour. If you wave and they wave back, they’re sweet. If not, they’re sour. No big deal either way. If they are sweet, walk over and just say hi to them. “How’s it going?” “Are you having a good day?” Then high five (or fist bump or whatever and leave. That’s it. Just a one or two sentence interaction, then go on about your day. They already waved back, so at least you know they’re not scared of you, and are much more likely to be receptive to your approach.
Step 3: Keep doing Steps 1 and 2, but now you’re going to start adding more conversation. This can be one more question than before, it can be a whole conversation, anything you want. Then if your brain freaks out and you feel like ejecting, you already know what to do. High five, say have a great day, and go on about your way.
That’s it. Very simple. The reason that this works as a good process, especially for guys new to approaching, is that the barrier to entry is incredibly low. You don’t need to have any lines ready, you don’t need to be creative, you don’t need to be in the zone, all you have to do is wave.
This obviously isn’t meant to be end-game level approaching, and probably won’t lead to a ton of dates, but it’s not meant to. It’s meant to help you get over the fear of approaching by setting up a ‘safe’ way of doing it.
Not sure if they want to talk to you? They waved back, so they’re much more likely to be open to your approach.
Not sure what to say? This method only needs a few sentences or questions, all of which are super basic. You can experiment with adding to them as you practice more.
Did your mind go totally blank when you walked over to say hi? No problem, you already have a plan for that. High five or fist bump, say “I hope you have a great day,” and go on about your business.
This easy process will help you to come out of your shell a bit and realize that people aren’t scared to talk to you, nor the other way around. It’s an easy way to get into approaching for beginners or introverts, and an easy way to experiment with different conversation openers or just practicing basic delivery and body language.
Like I said, this isn’t going to get you laid like a rock star. But for a lot of guys out there, this might be step 1 to getting there.
So until next time players…
Papa Jack out. *high five*
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