“If you know the enemy and know yourself,
you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Here at the Seoul Player and in many other similar man-friendly spaces online, we spend a lot of time talking about understanding women. We try to understand what they want, what attracts them, how to make ourselves more attractive to them and the like. One subject that we rarely touch on though is knowing ourselves within. This is one of the most important steps that one should take before even setting foot out the door to try to meet women.
This honesty needs to come in several key areas: Intentions and Desires, View of Self, and Realistic Future.
First let’s honestly consider your honest intentions and desires. This is what you want and what you’re trying to get from every field of life, whether personal, professional, physical, emotional, or spiritual. Think about what it is that you’re doing and why you’re doing it. What do you REALLY want?
If you’re reading this site, we can assume that you want to meet more women, specifically Korean women. What is it that you want from them? Do you simply desire companionship and someone fun to have a drink with? Do you want a girlfriend or possibly a wife? Maybe you just want to have sex with some beautiful women. All answers are okay, and understand that what you want today is not necessarily what you will want tomorrow.
If you are not honest about what you really want, you won’t be able to get what you really want. For example, if you’re looking to hook up and get laid but act like you’re looking for a long-term girlfriend, you are only courting drama and trouble. Nothing is worse than a man calling sour grapes because he wants to get laid but lacks the skills, drive, or honesty with himself to make it happen.
Equally abhorrent is the man who claims he wants a girlfriend but brings home a new girl every weekend. He is lying to himself and allowing habits or natural instincts to control him rather than taking control and driving toward the goal he wants.
Only when you’re honest with what you want can you learn how to get it.
Next let’s examine the View of Self.
This means an honest accounting for who you see when you look in the mirror, both inside and out. It’s important to be brutally honest with yourself and look deeply. Don’t simply look at the mirror and say, “What lovely eyes you have!”
Due to cognitive biases of illusory superiority, a great majority of people believe themselves to be above average. Obviously this is impossible. We must look deep within ourselves and be completely honest, observing and weighing our strengths as well as our faults.
When I look in the mirror, I realize that my looks are not amazing. In fact, I’m probably average or slightly below by many peoples’ considerations. However, I also see that I know how to leverage the other parts of me. Perception is reality, so when I’m playing guitar, I appear to have no beer belly. Most people won’t notice it after the fact, because mental revision is difficult. This is the same reason that, in your mind, people you knew long ago still look the same even though you know it isn’t true.
The intangible is equally important, if not more so, to the physical. Unless you are so physically attractive that a mere glance will call women over to you, it is crucial to focus on what you bring to the table with your personality, mind, and skill set.
One of my best qualities is that I am very entertaining and fun to be around. I have the personality type of the social butterfly, moving from person to person in a bar or a party, making new friends with everyone I meet and having a good laugh. On the flip side though, this fleeting gregarious nature also leaves me open to failure when I don’t follow up on a prospect. I’ve let hundreds of potential girls slip away simply by not following up on a conversation or a number I pulled.
Skills count in as well, especially in Korea if you’re gifted with languages. A little Korean ability goes a long way, as do other things such as being able to play music or doing silly parlor tricks that garner laughs and attention. Basically anything that makes you stand out goes in the plus column here.
Figure out what shortcomings you have and how to improve them as well as what strengths you have and how to showcase them more. In essence, make what you are now as attractive as possible, then make it better.
Finally, let’s think about a realistic future in terms of finance as well as personal growth.
Most men give little thought to their futures. Admittedly, it is very hard. We become entrenched in habits and reward systems that seem indefinite at the time. We take for granted our youth and vitality, assuming we will always have the energy and drive to act the same way we do now. We take for granted our work and living arrangements, whatever they may be, thinking that the current situation will always be available to us.
Men must always consider the fact that, despite whatever feminists say, they will always be considered the financial breadwinners. That means men always need to be vigilant of always having a steady stream of income as well as thinking of ways to multiply that income into even more. Money is important no matter what anyone says, especially if you’re looking for any sort of stable long-term relationship.
It is unsettling to consider the transience of all that we have. Looks don’t last forever, and even though we understand it academically, it’s difficult to truly comprehend the gravity of the fact that we will one day be balding or wrinkly or otherwise showing our age.
It’s also worth noting that even the most ferocious player will start having a waning interest in pursuing women as he advances in age. The amount of energy, patience, and overall drive you have for going out and chasing tail will slow down as he enters his 30’s and beyond. This doesn’t mean that the player has to ‘settle down’ and get married, it simply means that his game will become less scattershot and more focused on exactly who he wants so as not to waste precious time and energy on the unworthy.
Skills however, do not diminish with age. This is why it is important to work on improving ourselves in more ways than the physical in our youth. For some, this means learning languages or instruments, for others it means reading and developing the ability to discuss the moral ambiguity of Tolstoy. For anyone interested in continuing to meet women, it certainly includes learning and understanding the way women think and how to attract them.
This study of game and the dichotomy between the sexes is likely why you’re reading here right now. This is great news because it shows that you 1) have the presence of mind to know that you have things you need to improve, 2) have the wherewithal to seek out and consume the information you need, and 3) hopefully have the drive and dedication to put what you learn into practice.
These three points form the cornerstone for all forms of self-improvement. Anything that you need to change, make better, or learn from scratch will all go through those three steps before success is possible. Continued personal growth is key to the masculine mindset. There is never a time to rest on your laurels, there is no such thing as retirement, and you have to run real fast just to stand still. Master the habits and the self-discipline of the constantly improving renaissance man.
Through this brutal honesty of self and dedication to continuing improvement, every man can become exactly who he needs to be in order to get exactly what he wants.
However, this self-improvement means nothing if you simply see it, say it, and let it go. It requires a commitment, a solid bond made with yourself that you will strive for excellence in what you do and what you will become.
Now, go look in the mirror and ask yourself: What do you see? What makes you a great catch? What do you still need to improve on?
Next, email me and let me know exactly what about yourself you want to improve. Tell me your exact plan of action. How will you work to make yourself better every day? How will you grow into the man you need to be?
Then sign it with a commitment. Give your word, to me and to yourself, that you will follow through on your plan to better yourself.
“I commit to bettering myself each and every day. I commit to striving to do more than I did yesterday. I commit to excellence. With these words I give my sacred bond that I will not give up nor will I fail. Success is my only option.”
I only work with winners. Show me that you are serious about being a winner, and make it count. Send me your plan and pledge NOW.
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