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How to avoid flakesSo you finally stepped up to the plate.

You stopped that beautiful girl on the train and got her number using The Seoul Player’s patented number grabbing technique.

Now you’re following the plan to text her and set up a date.

Everything is all ready, you get dressed and start heading to meet her for drinks at the local pub near your home so your logistics are tight.

All the sudden your phone buzzes.  You look down and see that it’s her.  You get a sinking feeling in your gut because you know what’s coming next.

“Hey, I’m sorry but…”

You don’t even bother to read the rest.  It’s immaterial.  The point is that she’s not coming.

At first you’re confused.  Then angry.  You might even start crafting an angry response to tell her off, but you quickly delete it because you don’t want to scare off this prospect.  She’s hot!  And she seemed super into you, surely her excuse is real, right?

Wrong.  (Well, it’s kind of true, but more on that later.)

You know that you should just delete her number and move on to salvage the night.  Maybe you’ll meet someone else, but now your mood is wrecked (although you can fix that).

Read more: Your Happiness is Your Responsibility

Your initial reaction is to be angry at her, and why shouldn’t you be?  She set a date with you and you blocked out your schedule for her!

But you know deep down that this is your fault.  It was your doing and this situation is your responsibility.

You set a date with a girl when you knew the she would flake.

Now, you can be angry at her for doing what you knew she would, but what’s the point?  You can’t be angry at a dog for being a dog, and you can’t get mad at a flake for being a flake.

“But Jack!” I can already hear you saying, “I didn’t know she would flake on me!  She seemed totally into it and I’m surprised by this!  And who knows, maybe her excuse is real, she seems like such a good girl…”

Yeah fuckin right.

You knew.  I know you knew.  You know you knew too, even if you won’t admit it.

Want to know how I know?  Because I’m just as guilty of this phony self-talk as anyone else.

I’ve been flaked on more times than most men have had dates in their lives.  And every single time I fell for it, hook line and sinker, like a total tool.

But these days I very rarely get flaked on, if at all.  So far this year, I’ve had only two flakes out of dozens of total dates and meetings.  I also never met either of those two girls again, I cut them out completely.

So how is it possible to avoid the flakes?  Well in order to find the answer to that we need to look a little deeper into what makes them tick…

The Anatomy of a Flake

The first thing you need to realize is that this situation is your fault, but it’s not because of you.  You should have been able to pick up on the signs and avoid it before it happened, but it’s not due to an inherent fault in you personally such as looks or style.

Women do not intentionally flake on you or blow you off to make you feel bad or reject you.  They are simply creatures of emotion and can only respond to how they are feeling at that specific instant.  Men are usually able to think more long-term and can do something they don’t want at the moment in order to pursue a greater goal.  Women simply respond to the feelings they have at one exact moment, so it’s possible that they were interested in you before but then lost that ‘feeling’ and suddenly decide not to meet you.  It is impetuous, it is selfish, and it is annoying, but it isn’t personal.

This brings us back to what I said earlier when I told you her excuse was kind of true. (Remember that?)

She’s giving you some phony baloney excuse and you know it’s garbage, but in her mind it really is true… Not because she really has to cancel on you, but because she wants to cancel on you.  Realistically she probably just found something (or someone) better to do.

It really comes down to something extremely simple that we as men need to keep in mind at all times…

When a girl wants to meet a guy, she will move heaven and earth to make it happen.

When a girl doesn’t want to meet a guy, nothing under heaven and earth can make her do it.

Boom.  There you go.  That’s the TL;DR version of this whole article.  Make her want to meet you and she definitely will.  If for any reason she doesn’t want to meet you, she won’t.

“Yeah, yeah, great advice Jack.  Make her want to meet me.  Boom, whatever.  It’s just not that simple…”

Yes it is, dummy.  Nobody is interested in your excuses or explanations, least of all me or the girl!  If the girl is actually into you, you will not have this problem, period.

But the thing is, like I said before, it’s not necessarily your direct fault that she decided to flake out on you.  You’re overlooking a key element hereRemember how I told you that I don’t get flaked on anymore?  Well now it’s time for me to share the real secret to how that is…

I avoid flakey girls.

“lol duh it’s not like they wear signs that say they’re flakey lol!”

Actually yeah, it basically is like that.  Read on to find out exactly what signs they have been flashing at you like a cheap motel.

How Do I Avoid Flakey Girls?

Any self-respecting player has to be able to step back and look at himself objectively.  Just like when you’re fine tuning your approaches, you also need to be able to look at what happens between the initial approach and the actual date.

This is the key to noticing the early signs leading to Flakesville and avoiding it altogether.

The first thing you should think about is her reaction at the initial approach.  If she seems lukewarm all the way through the first interaction and is even a little bit hesitant to give you her number, chances are really good she’ll flake on you.

Now, let’s say that you had a great initial meeting, talked for about 10 or 15 minutes (assuming day game), and you walked away with a new number and your head held high.  You shoot her a ping message saying it was good to meet her and get the conversation started about meeting again.

Check her response time.  Girls check their phones compulsively, and if you sent her a message I guarantee she got it and read it.  Guaran-fucking-teed.

If she responds immediately, you’re still hot to trot and you have the green light to set the date ASAP.

If her response time is a little slower, like about two hours later, then she’s still interested but needs a little prodding before she’s going to be enthusiastic about a date.  Salvageable, but not ideal.

If she takes more than a day to answer or doesn’t answer at all, you might as well just delete her from your phone.  Any plans you make with her are definitely going to fall through.

Side note: If you’re using KakaoTalk, and you should be, then you can see if she’s checked the message or not.  There is a small yellow number 1 next to the message if it’s unread, that goes away when she checks it.  However Korean girls know this and they will often avoid actually opening the chat box so it appears they haven’t seen your messages.  Be wary of relying on this indicator.

Let’s continue our hypothetical and say that your conversation is going well.  You are trying to set a date and time to meet soon.  If you propose a date, let’s say Friday for drinks at 9pm, and she agrees instantly, you’re probably good to go.  Green light.

this girl is a flake

This is absolutely a flake in action. She got cut immediately.

Read More: Don’t Tinder Korea

If she says she can’t because yadda yadda, but suggests another equally suitable time (such as Saturday evening), you’ve got a yellow light.  She probably has another date at the original time you suggested, and if she’s suggesting one after that first date then you’re on the losing end without a doubt.  Believe me when I say that the player who gets there first gets the poozy prize.

Most Korean girls are not like guys, and do not want to bang two different dudes in a 24 hour time frame.  If someone gets in there on Friday night, she’s probably not going to be willing to bang for at least another week, sometimes even longer depending on the girl and the situation with the other player.  I know that sometimes I’ve hooked up with a girl on Friday night and she cancelled her Saturday plans to stay with me through to Sunday.  If they don’t feel bad about lying to their parents about what they’re doing (and they definitely don’t), then do you think they’ll feel bad about lying to you?  Nice guys don’t finish last, they never get a chance to finish at all.

alpha and beta

Which one do you want to be?

Once you have a date and time set, you’re golden right?  All is as it should be and you’ll soon be enjoying a front row seat at the game of the year.

Not so fast, Speed Racer.

That time between setting the date and actually meeting is the most crucial.  You have to walk a fine line to keep her interested but not appear so interested that she’s thinking you’re on the boyfriend track.  This is especially true if you do want to be on the boyfriend track!  Get the bang first, then if you actually still want to try for a relationship it will come as a result.  Trust me on this one, gents.

You need to be keeping the interest level high, which is why it’s always best to schedule your meeting as soon as possible.  If you have to wait more than a week to meet, you’re dead meat. (Hah, get it?)

Ideally you’ll be set to meet up within three days, though the sooner the better.  I’ve found that there is a direct correlation between how quickly you meet a girl and how high your chances are of scoring.  If you get her to come over on the same day that you meet, you have nearly 100% chance of sealing the deal.  With each passing day, your chances are lower and lower.  Longer than a week is nearly no chance because like I said before, at the sex buffet it’s first come first served.

In this interim period between setting the date and actually meeting, if you sense interest waning or start seeing increasingly longer response times, she’s getting cooler.  If you sense that you’re getting into the red zone, you need to find a way to quickly reignite the interest.  One thing I like to do is go out with some local friend and take a picture together and send it to her.  Act super excited and say something like, “omg guess who I just met! It’s xxxx and he’s super famous in Norway!  Today is his birthday and we’re drinking together!”

Now your friend is obviously not famous in Norway, but she doesn’t know that.  Feel free to substitute and name or country in there, or try your own tactic, it’s really not important WHAT you say.  All that’s important is that you say or show something that is interesting, because I almost guarantee that her life is as interesting as a diarrhea milkshake.  Anything you do that’s out of the ordinary is mind blowing to her.  Also Korean girls are obsessed with celebrities no matter who they are.  To a pretty ridiculous extent really.  I once partied with the lead singer from A-Ha on his birthday (which is how I got this story), and a girl who had never even heard of the band slept with me just because I ‘knew’ him.

Finally the moment of truth has arrived and it’s time to meet for the date.  A few hours before the set time to meet, check in with her to confirm.  Don’t do this like a schlub who’s super excited because he never gets laid though.  “Hey, we’re still on for 7pm right?” is sure to get you a flake.  Instead, use something that gets the job of confirmation done without acting like a weenie.

My personal go to line is, “Make sure you wear a skirt and heels tonight.  That’s my favorite ;)”

Use your imagination.  “Wear that dress in your picture tonight, it makes your legs look great ;)” is another fun one.

The important thing is that you’re reconfirming the date but also giving her direction on how to please you.  This isn’t so important in terms of asserting dominance or any other bullshit buzzwords, it just doesn’t make you sound like an unsure weakling.

At this point, if all still seems well, then you don’t need to worry about her flaking.  The chances are minimal and you have done everything possible to prevent it.  If she still flakes at this point, it’s her fault and you need to delete her number and move on.

The simple fact is that there’s no 100% surefire way to not get flaked on, but with these concepts in hand you can minimize your exposure to this shitty behavior.

You should also remember the number one rule in anything regarding women: Trust your gut, not your balls.

Just because you want her to be into you, doesn’t mean she is into you.  I know you might like her and you don’t think this girl would ever flake on your like that, but listen to that little voice in your head.  You might think that he’s full of unfounded fears, and sometimes he is, but I’ve never once been truly surprised when a girl flaked.  Every single time I knew it deep down before it happened.

Listen to yourself, and listen to Papa Jack.  I won’t steer you wrong.

Til next time players, keep dodging those flakes!

-JN