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In Korea text game is absolutely essential.  More than 90% of the girls that I’ve met and dated will all but completely refuse to talk on the phone, even with their own friends and family using their native language.  Instead they prefer to always text instead, which can be either a help or a hindrance to you depending on how you use it.

I’ve written before about the importance of KakaoTalk in Korea, the go-to messaging app choice for Koreans.  Using the app is a step in the right direction, but even from that point you have to tighten up your text game.  In order to do that, it’s crucial to avoid the two biggest mistakes I’ve seen guys make when talking to Korean girls:

  1. You’re texting too much.
  2. You’re not texting enough.

I know that seems counterintuitive at first glance, but follow me as I explain these problems and how to fix them.

These girls are used to texting all day, every day, and believe me when I say that they’ve seen some of the dumbest lines imaginable when guys try to talk to them on it.  The average number of messages sent between a guy and a girl who are seeing each other in Korea is 40-50 a day.  If she’s interested in you, unless you’re talking with a girl who’s accustomed for foreign style, she will probably be expecting something in that range.

Don’t do it.  If you’re doing it right, you won’t have the time or energy to be having these lengthy chats all day.  On top of that, you’re basically giving away your company and conversation.  Remember that as much as men want sex, women want conversation and companionship.  If you give away your goodies for free, you’re devaluing yourself.  It’s much better to give a free sample and make her invest to get the rest of you.  You also don’t want to come off as too needy or clingy, especially early on in the process.  Everyone knows a guy that complains about sending 4 messages and not getting any responses.  Don’t be that guy.

Running a long text conversation with a girl also tends to dry up your interaction much quicker than talking in person.  Because of the slow response time and the inability to feed off each other as quickly, it makes it much more difficult to have a good conversation.  In this vein, texting too much can kill a relationship before you even have the chance to meet up and show off your sparkling personality.

On the other hand, you might have the opposite problem of texting too little.  This comes in two different varieties, both of which are equally damaging and lead to stagnation.  The first and most common offense in the realm of texting too little is simply not saying enough.  Sending a message like, “Hey,” or “What’s up?” is almost certain to get no response.  If you give her nothing to work with, how can she possibly have a conversation with you?

Imagine if a girl you didn’t know randomly walked up to you on the street and just said, “Hey, what’s up?”  You would probably be taken aback, confused, and wondering who let the loonies out to roam the streets.  It’s an incredibly awkward way to open a conversation unless you’re already close.  On top of all that, she gets those messages from guys every day, and you’re not setting yourself apart.

If you just got her number and you’re trying to follow up to set up the date, you can’t let too much time go between contacts or you’ll be forgotten.  Contact her initially and try to set up the date as quickly as possible, preferably within three days of first meeting.  Then message her again two days before the date with something like, “Are you excited about Friday night?  Because I have something special planned for us… But it’s going to be a surprise!” then don’t worry about it again until the day of the meet.

The key with messaging is to strike a good balance in the middle, but not with meaningless blather.  If I’m messaging a girl that I haven’t talked to in a while, I’ll start it out by talking about the most recent weekend.  Instead of just saying, “Hey, how was your weekend?” I’ll say something about whatever fun thing I did to make her equate fun things with being around me.

Last weekend, I went to the horse races with a few friends.  It was a good time, but not something to go down in history as the best Saturday ever.  However, on the following Monday, I sent out a few messages to old flames that had died down saying, “You missed a really fun time this weekend!  I went to the horse races with my friends and we won a bunch of money… It was like getting paid to get drunk!  Aren’t you jealous?”

Not too long, not too short, and it gives the conversation a place to start.  I got about an 85% response rate from that one, which is way on the high side for old contacts.  The whole point is to craft your messages so they sound like they actually have your voice in them and they convey your personality to her.  Be interesting and stand out.  Be boring and stay at home jerking off.