Hey players! In several posts I have put out a call for questions, and I’ve received quite a bit of email feedback. While I answer all my emails personally, I would like to take a chance to answer the most frequently asked questions in an open forum. I’ve tried to group them together in a way that makes sense as a straight read through, so they’re not necessarily in the order of most to least asked, but rather a more flowing thought process for both me and you readers.
The most basic question always comes from guys who are having trouble meeting women in Korea. These guys all come from different countries and backgrounds with wildly different personality types from the false bravado of young military bucks to the bookworm type who are still wearing their chinos out on the town like it’s a 90’s nightclub. The one commonality between all these men and their inability to get the women and numbers they want is their skepticism of the game.
The single most common question among them all is:
“Why should I learn ‘game’?”
Well, the first and most obvious answer is to just look at your current situation. If you’re asking this question, then you’re probably not getting what you want with women or in most other areas of your life! Try something new to fix it!
But to be fair, that still doesn’t answer the question of why game is so important to your continued sexual and romantic success.
In order to answer that question, we need to first define what game is.
Game breaks down into several different aspects that all come together to form the nebulously named concept, such as:
- Interesting and engaging dialogue
- Body language
- Frame control
- Physical interaction and escalation
Why would any of these seem like something you wouldn’t want to learn? They don’t, as individual aspects of a broader range of social skills are always helpful. However, the concept of ‘game’ has been widely painted as negative or even “creepy” (the worst adjective in modern language) by media sources, especially if you’re from the west. Why and how it’s been made to look this way is a conversation for another time.
All that is meant by the word game is the development of a set of social skills that allows you to interact with, attract, and keep interested the women you like and want to be with. Every man has value and applying game allows him to show off his value to attract women without having to rely on braggadocio and arrogance.
If this doesn’t sound appealing to you, feel free to stop reading now. Nobody can help a man who doesn’t want to be helped. You will be relegated to dumpster diving and chubby chasing until some girl who is tired of alphas pumping and dumping her decides to game you (yes, women have game too) into putting a ring on her semen-stained finger for a lifetime of nagging and browbeating, and if you’re lucky maybe she won’t divorce you and take half of everything you own.
How can you avoid a fate like that? By taking control of your own romantic interactions with game.
If for no other reason, you need to learn game so you don’t end up with a story like that.
Now, with that in mind, let’s see if you can answer your own question of why one should learn game through a short thought experiment.
Imagine a man without ‘game.’ What does he look like? What does he do for work? How does he stand? How is he dressed? What does his voice sound like when he speaks? What hobbies does he engage in during his free time? Does he have a wife, girlfriend, or is he single? If he tries to talk to a girl, are they attracted to him? Why or why not? When he meets new people what do they think about him? What do they remember about him? Do they even remember him at all?
Now, let’s take the same man and imagine that he decides to change things. He spends the next year learning game and improving himself. He reads books and websites about how to talk to women and improve his posture and body language. He also starts going out on weekends trying to meet new women. He saves up some cash and takes a two week-long vacation backpacking through South America. He meets interesting people and sees more traditional versions of masculinity and femininity. He also has some very interesting experiences and comes home with some new stories of his own to share, including the time he met a Colombian girl in a club and hooked up with her in a dark alley.
What a year! Now it’s time to reevaluate where our friend stands in these different aspects of his life. Go back two paragraphs and answer all those same questions again. Which one of these two men do you want to be? Any man worth his salt will easily choose the second man.
Before you object to my thought experiment or start making excuses for yourself, understand that the transformative year I described is not out of the reach of any man. If you aren’t working to improve yourself daily, you’re being lazy and making excuses.
For example, let’s say that you think the travel part is too hard. Before you worry about that, do you save money every month? If not, get your finances in order. Stop dropping cash at the bar and put a hundred bucks a week in a side or savings account. Do you have a passport? Get one if you don’t, it’s a very easy first step. My passport has been my main form of ID for the better part of a decade. How do you build a wall? One brick at a time. Making excuses builds nothing but a habit of making more excuses.
“Okay, game helps me with women. What else?”
While game is most often used to refer specifically to dealing with women, it is also very applicable to other parts of your daily life. One very important aspect of game is confidence, frame control, and the ability to make decisions without being wishy washy. Here’s a real-world example of how this basic tenet of game helped me in a way entirely unrelated to women recently.
My phone is getting quite old and it’s come time for me to get a new one that works better. This is actually the main reasons that I haven’t posted pictures and videos of myself and my adventures on the site yet – the camera on the phone is absolute garbage, and I won’t assail your eyes with the photos it takes.
I went to a local independent phone shop to talk about getting a new phone. I’m going to write a separate post about getting a phone in Korea soon, but for now I’ll just tell you that getting a brand new phone on a full contract is a terrible idea economically. I spoke with the vendor for a few minutes and he tried to sell me the newest phone with an expensive monthly contract, which I refused. After a few more half-assed attempts on his part to sell me different phones on the same expensive contract, I got up to leave.
The vendor stopped me and told me that if I return in two months, the newer version of this phone will be out and he can give me the phone I want at the price I want.
This is a very simple example of frame control. I knew what I wanted and how much I was willing to pay. The vendor couldn’t give that to me. At this point, most people would acquiesce and just say, “Oh well, I guess I’ll pay the monthly fee. I really want the phone nooooowwwww!” Most people would be breaking their own frame to give in to the vendor’s wishes.
I saw the situation differently. I know that the vendor wants me to sign a contract with him more than he wants to make money off the phone itself. I also know that the phone companies subsidize the cost of the phone itself to vendors, because money over time is worth much more to them than money up front. I decided to stand my ground, and when he realized that I would rather walk away than give in, he found a way to give me what I wanted. This is the essence of masculinity and strong behavior that most people do not exhibit.
There are examples of ‘game’ being applied to all aspects of life outside of just meeting women. It’s more than just being a suave player, it’s about being a strong man.
“I don’t want to use dishonest tricks, I just want a good relationship with a good girl.”
This is a two part objection to game, and it creates a false dichotomy.
First of all, game is not dishonest. I don’t bother lying to girls or feeding them bullshit to get into their pants. It’s emotionally and spiritually draining to do that, and after doing that for a period of time you begin to lose who you actually are in the pursuit of pussy. I don’t recommend that path, though there are some guys (I’m looking at you, shady PUA community) who do.
Game is not a moral or immoral thing, it is a tool and like any tool can be used however you choose to apply it. You don’t want to lie? Great, then don’t. The kind of game and approach methods I use and teach are more focused on playing up your strong points, not lying to make yourself look better. That method doesn’t really work long term anyway.
The reason this statement is a false choice is because it assumes that being a player means you can’t make a girlfriend.
Once you have a solid grasp on the fundamentals of game, you can make whatever kind of relationship you want with the women you meet. This goes for everything from one night stands to long term relationships and marriage.
As I said earlier, game is about being a strong man who can lead interactions and get the things he wants. If you want a long term relationship, find the kind of girl you want and make it happen.
The real question is not whether game prevents you from making a relationship, but actually how you can get and keep the relationship you want without game. I’m not a natural in this field, and I’ve had relationships before where I was a beta chump. I was nice, supplicating, and gave the girls everything I thought they wanted. None of those relationships went well.
Since studying game and developing my own style, I have had much more satisfying relationships with much higher quality women than before.
You don’t need game to have a relationship, but I’ve never seen one actually go well without it.
“I don’t want to learn ‘game’, I just want a few tips and tricks to get what I want for now.”
Here’s a question from the opposite side of the spectrum than the last.
Believe me when I tell you that there is no shortcut. I’ve seen several guys who just dipped their toes into the water, learned a couple of ‘tricks’ to build attraction, and then they stop. They actually got what they thought they wanted, they attracted women. Then what? They go right back to their original beta behaviors and they crash and burn.
Learning tips and tricks is the PUA system of stealing your money. If you ever look at the garbage online that’s being sold by these ‘gurus’, you’ll notice that it’s all a bit too good to be true. I’ve even read websites that claim that any man can attract any woman at any time… with this one secret trick!
Yeah. Fucking. Right.
Then, unsurprisingly, they ask you to pay some exorbitant fee like $1500 to attend their boot camp where they’ll teach you this special trick.
If that doesn’t set off the smell test, you and your money will soon be parted.
Mindset is crucial to building an attractive personality, and there is no secret shortcut that the special gurus know. These men do not have divine inspiration, they are con artists selling you what you wish were true. For a fraction of the cost of these so-called bootcamps, you can purchase enough books to learn the wisdom of the ages. Read Schopenhauer, read Carnegie, read Napoleon Hill. That’s a much better use of your time and money, and you’ll have a lot more insight into life and women than any of these guys can teach you.
Beware of anything that sounds too good to be true because it always is.
That being said, are there certain things that you can do to increase your attraction with women while out in the field? Of course there are. And they aren’t hard to learn, nor do they cost thousands of dollars. However, they are an addition to an otherwise solid foundation. Without the foundation, you won’t be able to reap the rewards.
Okay guys, that brings us to the end of my first Q&A session. There are a few more questions I’ve received that I’ll answer in another post soon, and if you have more questions for me don’t hesitate to send them to me. As always, you can contact me through the form below or by a direct email to [email protected].
Until next time, this has been your Papa Player, Jack North!