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What’s the ultimate fantasy goal of most men when they start learning about game and pickup?

Let’s be honest with ourselves here.

Most men want to be able to walk up to a hot girl and just say, “Hey I think you’re hot. My place or yours?” and then she comes with you for some great no strings attached sex. Maybe as a cherry on top she poses with you for a picture in your bed that you can show off to your friends later and brag.

Sounds awesome, right?

There’s a reason a called that a fantasy goal. It’s not real, and the girls who are down for no questions asked hookups aren’t the kind of girls I want to be with anyway. (Hint: most of them are mentally and emotionally damaged. See example USA.)

The simple biological fact is that women are very different from men, especially sexually. Men are sexual hunters, and as a result they are basically always turned on and ready to go. Imagine that fantasy situation but in reverse. If a hot girl decided she wanted to get some dick, how far do you think she would have to look? Probably just the first person she saw.

Men are so switched on at all times that you can get a hard on if the bus you’re on hits a bump in the road.

Women aren’t like that at all. They need to be warmed up in order to be attracted. They might find a man handsome or good looking, but that alone doesn’t make them want to jump into bed with him. The physical attraction alone simply isn’t enough for them. They need to feel attracted emotionally, mentally, and on a human level rather than simply based on animal instincts.

This is where game comes in.

In order to attract a woman in those ways, you have to talk to her and make conversation. There’s a ton of information written online, some of it even here on this site, about talking to women. Most of it reads like an exercise in hypotheticals. Demonstrate value, be alpha, and other such generic bluster that doesn’t give any real direction.

This is where most newcomers to the game get lost. They try too hard to ‘be alpha’, whatever the hell that means, or they mistakenly tell a girl she has fucked up teeth because they read somewhere that you should ‘neg’ girls to make them attracted to you.

I know because I made all those mistakes and many many more. Believe me, no matter what kind of dumb shit you’ve said to girls, I’ve tried it.

You have to cut all that shit out. Just talk to her.

If you treat your conversations with women like job interviews where you always have to say the right thing, you’ll be too stiff. It doesn’t work.

If you act like it’s a video game where you can learn an exact code or combination to solve the puzzle and rescue Princess Pussy, you’ll fail. Everybody, male and female, has different ‘codes’ to unlock them, and the only way to find out this girl’s code is to talk to her. There is no cow level.

The real way to attract a woman in Korea and understand how to talk to her is to just speak on a regular human level. You need to be real, relatable, and personable.

I know that sounds like an oversimplification, but it’s the actual truth.

Despite what I talk about regarding ‘game’, don’t treat it like a game. It’s really just a regular conversation like you would have with anyone, at least to start.

Why would I ever suggest that men do something as normal and banal as this?

If you actually stop and think about it, real conversation with a real person is actually not normal and banal at all. In fact it’s quite rare. When was the last time you had a conversation with anyone, male or female, and walked away thinking, “Wow. That is a real person.”? I know that for me, those experiences are very few and far between.

Those few real people are the ones I find myself truly enjoying my time around, and I want to keep coming back to them.

If you’re a girl out on any given evening in Seoul, you’ll be approached no less than a dozen times, and most of those guys are going to be lame-brains trying to get into your pants with boring and contrived lines. If one of those guys has a real and thought-provoking conversation with you, you will definitely enjoy your time with him.

In the female brain, enjoyment is equal to attraction.

Whether or not you’re getting too old for goofball clown game (I know I am), real conversation is a much better aphrodisiac simply because it’s so rare and thusly feels that much more interesting.

Now for the important question:

How can I have real and interesting conversations?

Before you can be real with other people, you need to first be honest with yourself. Find out who you really are, what you really believe, and why. Come up with new, good, or different ideas and views on life based on your own experiences. Stop parroting shit you read online (even here), or whatever garbage you hear on the news. Also, if you’re still listening to mainstream news, go ahead and stop that right now anyway. That shit is poisonous to independent thought, and it’s intentionally designed to be that way.

Get some interesting stories. Read a wide variety of books and sites from independent thinkers. Write a manifesto of what you believe right now, and two years down the line read it again and see what has changed and why. All or any of these will help you become more interesting and have a wider view of life and humanity.

Even before doing these things, there are other ways you can immediately start improving your conversations.

Common advice is to ask questions, which is a good basic level conversation skill, but it doesn’t tell the whole story. Ask interesting questions that make her think or explain herself. Don’t be afraid to disagree with her or make her defend her thoughts and opinions. In short, talk to her in the same style you would talk to me or any man.

It’s worth noting at this point that many guys will fall into a trap when they read that last sentence. Talking to a woman in the same style doesn’t mean talking to them with the same substance. She doesn’t care about your level 50 wizard and there’s a good chance she isn’t well versed in different types of craft beers, so avoid topics that are generally considered man-talk.

Instead of what, who, where questions, ask how and why questions instead. These get her thinking and talking more, and also allows you to choose the topic and lead where she goes with it using your questions. You are basically half friend, half trial lawyer. Get her to tell you as much as possible and you can use it to your advantage later, but also remember that you should be able to hold your own in the conversation as well. You’re not interrogating her, so don’t just ask questions.

Engage her up to and just beyond her comfortable level of English. If she’s at a pretty basic level, keep your sentences simple but the topics don’t need to be. Just because he English level is low doesn’t mean she’s an idiot, and conversely, there are many girls with great English ability who are total morons once they start talking.

One of the best things about women who aren’t native English speakers is that if you like the dumb hot type of girls, you can use the language barrier as a bit of a sound filter too. Just go with body language and big gestures to make her laugh, but that’s not the kind of interaction I’m writing about in this article.

When you’re looking for something with more depth and substance, these tips will help you turn up your conversations to the next level and learn to start attracting women on more than just a base physical level.

Also, if you found the nerd reference in this article, post something about it in the comment section! I’m curious to see how many of you players will catch it.

-JN