Hey there players! This post comes from J.D. over at The Social Lifestyle. Go check out his other writings too, the guy has a lot of great stuff to say. He’s provided a much needed native Asian view for us today, explaining the mindset needed to meet and pick up girls in your own home country. This article should help our Korean readers become more confident with talking to and meeting women here at home.
Something that comes up time and time again from guys who first learn about cold approach pick up is that they think “it only works in the Western context.” It’s as though somehow they are a different species of humans and have totally different socio-behavioral cues.
Sure, if you’re comparing Saudi Arabia to USA, for example, there are laws or sanctions against publicly interacting with members of the opposite sex, then it may make sense to say that.
But if you’re living in a Westernized, progressive society, saying that women in your country can’t be approached is definitely ridiculous—especially if you haven’t tried it yourself.
At the very least, there are very minor cultural differences. In my context, talking to strangers is very uncommon except if for a specific reason—say, asking for directions.
Most people don’t even make small talk, or are uncomfortable initiating it on random strangers. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t open to the experience, though. It might just take longer for them to ease into the conversation, but they do so eventually.
Compare that to other friendlier societies, where people are more open, but shallow. Just because someone is talking to you, doesn’t mean they are invested in the interaction, much less attracted to you.
My experience in California was that it was easy to strike up conversation with people on the bus, in cafes, or on the streets, but most of them seemed to have this glazed over look. It was as if I was talking to a wall and they were just being polite or just going through the motion of making sounds come out of their mouths.
They would ask, “Hi how are you?” And when you attempt to respond, they would just cut you off and talk about what they wanted to talk about in the first place. They couldn’t care less how you were faring.
Back to cold approach pick up, it is designed to come across as spontaneous and genuine, meaning you were just about your day and you saw her and you “just had to tell her that her fashion reminds you of a Christmas tree because of the deep green, the cheerful squirrel vibe she gives off, and the over-the-top ornamental earrings.”
Girls, no matter what culture they’re from, can appreciate a good sort-of compliment. If they are a yes girl or a maybe girl, great! Transition into getting to know her. If not, return to your daily routine until you meet another girl.
Then there are the guys who think that being a non-White puts them at a disadvantage. It is so, if you think so. Most limiting beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies. And as a man on his journey to self- improvement, you have to learn to overcome it.
First is by reframing it. Turn your “weaknesses” into strengths. Own your stereotypes, or just make fun about yourself. “Chinese have small eyes, but that’s what makes them sexy.”
An important aspect of game is valuing your opinion of yourself over her opinion of you. You’re a cool, awesome guy. She doesn’t know that. But if you keep worrying about how you fit into her archetype of cool and awesome, you might not match up.
Redefine what you find cool and awesome. Own it and show it to her. If you are congruent with yourself, by the law of state transference: what you feel, she feels. It is your job to bring her into your reality.
I’ve always believed that women are the same everywhere; there are shy girls in Singapore, there are shy girls in Korea, and there are shy girls in the United States. Likewise, there are outgoing, fun- loving girls everywhere as well. It is better to flip stones and look for the girls that you want to add into your life, rather than limit yourself and say “pick up doesn’t work” without even trying.
With that said, I hope you enjoyed the article. If you like it, you can read more at The Social Lifestyle. Leave a comment to let me know your thoughts; I’d like to hear them.
Cheers, J D.