What’s going on players?
I’ve been reading your emails and comments on the forum and taking them all to heart. I often write about advanced game strategies like meeting women on the subway or learning how to spot different types of Korean women or even something like congruence.
By popular request, I’m going to try to bring us back to the basics and focus on the first few levels of game that you should REALLY be learning about.
After all, you can’t go banging broads from the subway if you don’t even know how to approach her in the first place!
This is the first in my “Game in a Nutshell” series, where I break down every single step of beginner-level game to get you talking to girls and on your way to success with Korean women.
Today we’re going to talk about the first thing that everyone wants to know when they’re learning about game…
“Jack, I saw this cute girl but I didn’t talk to her because I didn’t know what to say!”
“Papa Jack, I don’t get how you can just talk to strangers so effortlessly!”
“I dunno.” *Shrug*
Yes, yes, I’ve heard them all, and the good news is that I’m going to break it down for you now, piece by piece.
Step 1 – Choose Your Target Well
Before you can approach a girl, first you have to find her, right?
Ideally, you will read about all the different types of Korean girls and where to find them first. This will give you a good idea of who you’re looking for and where you should be looking.
Once you’ve narrowed that down, or if you just aren’t that picky, then go out hunting!
You’re looking for a girl who is alone or maybe with one friend, but not a man. Korean guys are huge cockblocks and they’ll try to stop you every step of the way if you let them.
In a perfect world, she’s standing still or walking leisurely, maybe window shopping or hanging out at a bar alone. This demonstrates that she is not in a hurry to get somewhere and will probably be more open to your approach.
If she’s wearing headphones, it’s not a deal-breaker, but of course it’s better if she’s not.
Your goal is to scan the street / bar / group (or wherever) to find a girl who you are at least minimally attracted to and seems to be unattached to a man presently. Being alone and having no headphones are just bonuses, not something you can use as an excuse to avoid approaching.
Once you have the girl in your sights, it’s time for…
Step 2 – The Physical Approach
Even though most guys think ‘what to say’ is the hard part of an approach, this step is actually the difficult one. That’s because this one puts you into the game physically, and this is where newbies will get cold feet. You’ll hear part of your brain start making excuses, “Don’t talk to her, she looks like ____ / maybe she’s _____ / I bet she won’t be interested” and other stuff like that.
You MUST ignore these impulses. Your brain is dumb.
Just take the leap and go for it.
If you’re coming from her front, you don’t want to barrel straight into her like a truck. You should come up in front of her, but slightly off-center. You should aim for your body to, if you continued walking straight without stopping, hit about 60% of her body. This means that if you were to both collide, her center would be at about your armpit.
As you come up closer, you should start to slow down and turn your body in toward hers slightly so that you’re now facing diagonally toward her. This should also come with some sort of stop or hold on gesture from your hand so that she can see the visual cue for what you want. Make eye contact with her If she’s uninterested or in a hurry, there should still be plenty of room for her to pass by you without incident.
If you’re coming from behind her, you can jog up the street past her a little ways, then turn around and approach as if you were doing it from the front. You want to create a space buffer of about 2 meters. When doing it this way, you will be a little more deliberate about how you approach and to whom. This is necessary as she will likely notice you going ahead of her and when you turn around to approach her it will be obvious that it is intentional. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a slightly different way of approaching. Sometimes this works even better.
There are some who recommend that you come up beside or behind a girl from an angle.
I do not recommend this approach.
In Korea especially, I’ve noticed that most girls are constantly in their own heads and daydreaming a bit as they walk around. They’re also quite jumpy compared to their western counterparts. When approaching from behind, you’re almost certain to elicit a scream or at least a startled jump from them. While there are exceptions, that is game over most of the time.
At this point, you have 1) chosen who to approach and 2) made the physical approach.
Here comes the part you’re probably here to read…
Step 3 – The Verbal Approach
Now, I’m about to make most of you guys angry with what I say next.
It kind of doesn’t matter what you say on the approach. (But I’m going to give you a bunch of lines anyway)
Wait, wait, I can hear you furiously typing angry comments and emails to me already. Put down your rage for a second and let me explain.
When you’re approaching a girl, what you say is only about 10-20% of what she’s going to get from you.
As I’m sure you already know, most of our communication is non-verbal. This is especially true in game.
Don’t believe me? Let’s run a little thought experiment:
Steve Buscemi walks up to a girl and says, “Hey girl, how you doin?”
Chris Hemsworth walks up to a girl and says, “Hey girl, how you doin?”
In your mind, you just pictured two completely different approaches even though the line was the same.
Take looks off the table for just a moment and examine the other things that you pictured in your mind. I’m willing to bet that in your mental picture, Buscemi shuffled / limped over to her, probably looking at the ground. He looked up a girl, who was visibly put off by his demeanor, and delivered a line that was equal parts creepy and terrifying.
Your mental Hemsworth on the other hand probably sauntered over to her, confidently walking with the girl directly in his eyes. He made eye contact with her and held it the whole time. He got just close enough that he was inside her personal space, but not so close that it was uncomfortable, and delivered his line with confidence and gravitas that suggested something far more than the shitty line itself.
This is the concept I’m trying to illustrate here for you – the words themselves are the least important part of the approach. It’s mostly going to be
Now, with that said, you do still need something to say. You can’t just stare at a girl and get any results other than perhaps abject terror.
For some beginner-level strategies, I’ll break down 5 different types of openers you can use: introduction, noticing, opinion, triangulation, and disclosure.