About a week ago, I went out to Hongdae with a couple of my guy friends from my neighborhood. These particular friends of mine aren’t very interested or good at talking to women, so it was mostly a day of us hanging out as guys and having a couple of beers. By the time we got to Hongdae, it was about 11pm. Perfect, I thought. I walked into the first bar, and I couldn’t have been more turned off. Everything just seemed very banal and uninteresting. None of the girls were grabbing my attention. I tried to talk to a couple of them only to be completely blown out, and I just shrugged it off and left. My buddy was laughing at me for acting old and grumpy, and I was getting the results to show for that attitude.
A little while later, we met up with my buddy’s girlfriend and her two friends. I immediately started talking with the friends, but now instead of a busy bar or club, I was in a low-key outdoor setting. I was just meeting new people and having a basic chat, and all the sudden it was back on. From that point on, my presence, style, and game only improved until I wound up one-nighting with a flight attendant.
What was the difference between the first half of the night and the second?
Before going out that night, I hadn’t done anything really social. I had just kicked it with my boys in the neighborhood and shot the shit, then landed deep in the red zone suddenly with no warmup. Imagine if you woke up in the morning and the very first thing you did, before even taking a piss, was go straight to a squat rack and try to max out. You would fail, of course you would, and likely injure yourself. That’s what I did on that night a week ago. I went into the night with no warmup, no momentum, and no wind at my back.
What I should’ve done instead was walk around the area for a few hours before and approach random girls on the street, in cafes, or even on the university campus itself. It almost certainly would not have yielded any immediate results except probably a few numbers to follow up on later, but the real benefit it would give me would be the momentum and the buildup into the night so I would be ready to act when the pickings were ripest.
If I had done that, I would have arrived at the bar already in a social mood and ready to start talking. Every approach will be better than the one before it, whether you succeed or fail, and your first approach will fail more often than not. However by the time you get near approach 10, you should be in the swing of things and ready to rock and roll. At that point, girls can’t help but respond to you, because you’ll be giving off such a gregarious presence that they’ll want to see what’s going on.
The nights that I’ve done the best are the nights that I had day gamed before, cold approached girls on the street, then showed up at the bar already feeling and acting like the life of the party. Those are the nights when I actually have girls come up and open me. That’s the end goal of all this, to be so attractive that the girls feel compelled to come up and start talking to you.
I’ve heard all sorts of pre-pickup strategies and techniques. Some guys like to hit the gym a couple of hours before going out, other guys swear by watching Seinfeld before leaving the house to get them in the mood for witty banter. For me, pulling out my guitar and jamming a few tunes on the streets for passersby helps me break into a more social mood. If the crowd gets into it, I can usually pull several numbers from the onlookers as well, which really helps boost the mentality.
It really doesn’t matter what it is that gets your blood flowing, but once you do, you need to start talking to girls immediately. If you wait until you get to the venue before starting, not only do you risk being in the wrong mindset, but you also miss the opportunities you would have had on the street. Always take advantage of everything possible to improve your chances of success. After all, it’s just a big numbers game.