This last weekend I was having a chat with a new member of the Players Union and he hit me with a situation that I didn’t have an answer for off the top of my head.
He told me that he has no problem approaching Korean girls and getting their numbers or even getting dates and kisses from them, but he was having trouble converting these into reliable dates and sex. So the question came up: How can I improve my conversion rate?
In other words, how can I take these girls I meet and actually get dates and sex from it?
I’ll be the first to admit that my drunken advice on the spot was not great. I rattled off some basic general advice about Korea, the culture, and some aspects of language, but I failed to actually hit home and give him what he needed to hear.
He showed me a couple of his message conversations, or more accurately showed me pictures to brag about how cute the girl he kissed was. A perfectly natural point of conversation, but it served as a distraction from the real issue, which was in the messages.
The next day I reflected on the conversation and I realized that I missed the biggest key to helping him improve his game. It wasn’t about language, culture, or whatever other garbage I was spewing at the time.
It was about efficiency. He was wasting his time with girls that weren’t that interested.
I’ve said many times that getting laid is just a numbers game, and while that’s still true, which girls you choose to spend your time focusing on is even more important. You need to be pickier.
You only have so much time in your day and honestly you only have so much energy and patience when it comes to dealing with women. This is why it’s so important to only gift your attention to the girls who seem the most promising. Make sure that you’re taking responsibility for your own dating happiness and success.
When you meet a girl and she seems interested in you at the time, it’s definitely worth following up with further messages and contact. But once you sense her interest starting to fade, you need to either go for the immediate kill or throw her back into the sea.
If she’s taking hours or even days to respond to your messages, she’s just not that interested and it’s not worth your time.
If you try to set up a time to meet with a girl and she keeps declining or giving excuses without suggesting a different time to meet, she’s just not that interested and it’s not worth your time.
If she’s answering your messages but it feels cursory and abrupt (i.e. one word responses), she’s just not that interested and it’s not worth your time.
Your two most valuable resources are your time and your attention.
Those are the only two things that you can give to women and get equal or greater benefit back from them. When you buy a girl a drink, she’s not likely to buy you more in return. The same is true for any personal value, conversation, or other intangibles you can share with the women you care about.
Time and attention on the other hand, can actually be given back to you at equal or greater rates than you give them, so if you are not getting equal or greater time and attention from her, then she’s most likely taking you for a ride – not the good kind.
Unfortunately, every man who’s ever lived has been overly interested in a girl who wasn’t reciprocating. That’s why so many songs, books, plays, and other things are written about it.
Running into this situation is unavoidable. But as a strong man, what you can choose to do is ditch her.
Stop giving her your time and your attention.
Now I’m not going to tell you that pulling away will make her chase after you. It just might if she’s trying to play head games, but most likely you’ll only be saving yourself the trouble of dealing with her shit.
But the real benefit of walking away is that you’re saving your precious resources for the things that will actually give you a return on investment. Men have a habit of chasing after something once they feel invested in it, especially if they see some small returns and have the imagination to see more in the future. In business this is called the sunk cost fallacy, and is one of the most dangerous traps you can fall into with your money.
The same is true of your time and attention. Let’s say you chat with a girl for an hour or two one night and get her number, maybe a kiss. You have now invested some time, attention, and maybe a little money into the interaction with this girl. You’ve also seen some return on your investment in terms of pleasant conversation and a kiss. The number seems to signal that more is coming soon.
However, just as the wise investor must cut his losses on a deal going south, the prudent player will quickly notice signs of flakiness and apathy from the girl and needs to let it go.
The moment you get the sense that she’s not into pushing the interaction further (or worse, that she’s going to flake) it’s time to cut ties and move on. You shouldn’t be relying on only one girl anyway, but even if your cup isn’t running over at the moment, there are tons of other opportunities everywhere in this country. Way too many to worry about one in particular.
After all, there’s always the subway.
Happy Hunting Players,